#21 A Long, Long Time Ago and Essentially True by Brigid Pasulka

This was suggested through goodreads- which I just joined. I really like this website! Essentially it's  a facebook for books read. I had no idea!

Although I really liked this book, I was a bit disappointed in the title. I thought it would be more like Everything is Illuminated in that it plays with fictional storytelling a lot more... I found this book to stick to storytelling of facts (as much as a fictional novel can).

It focuses on two generations at the same time, interchanging between the chapters. And it ties in their worries and problems but in these different time frames.
Pasulka is so great at expressing teenage (well the character is 22 but really acts like a teenager) angst and worry, a feeling of loneliness and not fitting in, but at the same time resigning to it...

Wow I feel very not ... eloquent- this lack of sleep is getting to me.

What I enjoyed about it most is that I learned about Poland's history. I know so little about Poland. I almost went to Poland back in 2011 but it didn't work out and I've always regretted that. So learning about it through a fictional novel was really delightful.

I recommend this book a lot.

Pages:354
total: 6167(?)

#20 The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

This is my FAVORITE book I've read this year. Easily top 5 of all my life. If you'll take any of my recommendations, dear blog reader (aka probably just Marimar by this point), please read this book.

It is a strange concoction. It goes into the mind of an old, old, dying Polish man, and a curious and sad Jewish-American teenager, and throughout the book you read the book called The History of Love. 

I picked this book because I was looking for beautiful quotes about love and I found, "once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering." It took my heart, rattled it, and called me. Immediately I looked for the book on Amazon. I just thought, whoever understands love like this, I have to read the rest of their views.

I loved finding out that Krauss later said she thinks she has a responsibility to write so that we can capture the world.... or something like that. That's how I feel most days. I see beautiful things around me and I want to capture them. I want to write about them - share them, make sure they are not lost. Maybe not everyone feels like this. Maybe some artists do? Is it our fight against immortality?

The whole book is riddled with beautiful quotes. I want to read it again, highlight them, and maybe even write them down myself.

This book reminded me of Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer- I read it for my Senior "thesis." Perhaps it's because both books have Jewish ancestry- I wonder if this style resembles more Jewish books written in their own language? I wonder if their way of seeing the world- because of their past- allows them to write so beautifully... or if it's just these two authors so far that have the insane capability to capture surrealism in an understanding of the world.

Pages: 272
total: 5813

#19 The Last Anniversary by Lianne Moriarty

I remembered enjoying Lianne Moriarty's book last year, What Alice Remembered so in an effort to regain reading stamina I looked for more of her books in the library. 

I LOVED this book. She has such a unique talent of understanding 8+ characters at a time, of making you really get to know each and every one of them, of loving them all.

What I liked best was her description of PPD- Postpartum depression. She doesn't give it a name for a few chapters, but you can definitely tell that the character is going through it. It's so subtle at first, but so blatant at the same time. She goes into the husband's mind, feeling useless and so confused... into the wife's mind- feeling so utterly worthless and truly a burden. It's really magnificent how she weaves those into the actual plot.

It's also quite a shocking story at points, without being abrasive. It's funny without being a comedy. It's a tragedy without being depressing. It's a mystery without being confusing. It's Romantic without being a Romance... This is the kind of story I'd like to write someday.

My only annoyance with this book is that although I found Moriarty last year, she's popular now because of the HBO show made from her book, Big Little Lies and so now all her books are expensive and "in" and you  know how much I don't like doing things "in fashion." haha!

Pages:400
Tota: 5541 (?)

#18 A Window Opens by Elisabeth Egan

I enjoyed this book a lot a lot.

I remember being a kid and only wanting to read books that had kids in them (the chocolate touch, Frindle, a weird book series I can't remember what it was called but all the cool people had violet eyes..)Then when I was a teenager I wanted to desperately find novels about teenagers.

Now I guess I enjoy books about moms who want to do more than be at home. It shouldn't but it kind of makes me a little sad and it makes me feel old. I don't know why... I know I have the Peter Pan syndrome, and an irrational fear of death by 35, so perhaps that's why?
In any case, I loved this book about a mom of three who goes back to work and just does not enjoy it as much as she thought she would.

It's definitely not a Pulitzer by any means- but it's smooth writing- and you really get into her head. I see a theme in what I enjoy about reading, I like getting to know people.

One of my most constantly repeating sins is gossip and talking about others, eavesdropping... just pure curiosity of things that are not really my business. Last night I was wondering if that's why I like to read so much- because I just like collecting stories, collecting thoughts and questions and characteristics.  Sometimes I think all my life will be about collecting the keys to a masterpiece I'll write towards the end of my life...

I recommend this book, it's also pretty funny.

Pages: 369
Total: 5141

#17 How to Rock Braces and Glasses by Meg Haston

The title tells you everything you need to know about this book...
Yes, it is a middle school book. Yes, it talks about preteen crushes, braces, and tough girl frenemy decisions.

Do I recommend it? no, not at all.

But it gave me something to read at work. Some mindless reading that brought me back to days of reading The Clique series (loved it!). It reminded me of when it was my dream to write a book like this. I don't think I could anymore- perhaps if I ever have a teenage daughter...

Sometimes little preteen stories are good for the soul.



Pages: 324
Total: 4772 (?)

#16 The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

To be honest I can't even remember if I fully finished this book or not. It made me sad in a personal way, not necessarily because it was a sad story (it is.) But because it reminded me of someone I used to know and be very close to. I don't talk to this person anymore- but I cared about them for so long, and I left them behind in that sad world that Oscar lives in. Sadness, family regret, generational resentment, misogyny, drugs...

It makes me wonder what else I could have done, or if I should have tried to stay...?

Also, I borrowed it from Maggie who told me that Junot Diaz was being accused of sexual harassment. It gave me a weird feeling. I never even looked into it, so who knows if he was falsely accused or if that should affect how I read him? It was hard to read his highly sexual descriptions of women thinking that perhaps those accusations are real in any case...

When I heard the title I thought it was going to be a story about an Asian Boy Genius and his adventures. This is not the case.

It is very well written. It pulls you in for sure. But it may be too intense for a pregnant woman like me, so maybe that's why I maybe never finished it. My thoughts are so muddled with this book- Perhaps I'll try to go back and see if I did finish it or not. For now, I'll let it be an emotion of the past for me.

Pages: ??
Total: 4448 (?)

#15 Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

I took a break from writing on my blog- not because I wanted to but because it was either read, sleep, or write for the first 20 weeks of this pregnancy. I chose to sleep mostly- and read sometimes. I've read quite a few books since I last wrote- but unfortunately they're not fresh in my mind, so I'll do the best I can to recap them.

Marimar sent me this book (yay!) and so I was a bit weary for it. Last book she sent me sent ME into a crazy quick depression-like state of fear for humanity for a little bit. This book was slightly lighter thankfully.
The premise isn't much happier- a plague hit the world a few years ago and there are only a few survivors.

Wow my memory is bad- I am having a hard time remembering my thoughts on this book!
I remember liking the weaving of stories, and wondering when they would meet- it was an interesting plot.

But this book didn't keep me GLUED. I felt like it lacked a bit of character understanding- a deep dive into them. There were just so many characters perhaps? Or maybe I'm just mixing it with another book. I really should write RIGHT after I finish to avoid this confusion.

Unfortunately now I feel like I'm writing to just to prove that I read and wrote- I don't like this feeling.

Wow has a blog post ever been so rambly.

Pages: 333
Total: 4448

#14 Elegies for the Brokenhearted by Christine Hodgen

I enjoyed this book a lot. I love sad stories and this book is literally sad stories. The main character "talks" to 5 people in her life who have died. She tells their stories in 2nd person: very unique, very cool to read. It made me think of what other angles and styles I can use in my own writing.

What I liked best was Hodgen's ability to understand a person for all they are. She definitely focuses on each character's worst characteristics, but she gives backgrounds to them. She explains their bad choices, their cruel personalities, their rude words... but she lets you see why they are who they became. She has this amazing and enviable way of giving each character their own style of talking, their own lexicon... I was in awe reading it most of the time.

The story in itself isn't awe-inspiring, but the characters really are.  If you are in the mood to really get to know some sad characters, read this for sure.

I also really liked her treatment of hope, of lost hope in poverty and forgottenness, of new hope (that dies) in the main character. It's hard to imagine utter poverty (money and soul) in the US for me at times, but this book is kind of like a little magnifying glass focused on a tiny part of the US.

I'd love to meet Mary Murphy (the main character) and see what she sees in me, how much she could pull out of me.

Reading while traveling to meet people doesn't allow me to read as much or as fast as I'd like, but now that we're back home I'm getting back into it. :)

Pages: 288
Total: 4115

#13 The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell

Marimar sent me this book. She had told me, "I'll send you a book when you write your next post." So I read a few books and then asked for my prize.
I would probably never have read this book if it wasn't for her. In any case, my reading of the book (if I am wrong with that statement) would have differed if I had found it on my own.
There's a cool thing about reading a book you know someone else read, at least for me. I keep that person in mind. I wonder if they smirked at the same simile, if they cried at the same line, I wonder if they felt the same frustrating anxiety... and it is beautiful in its uniqueness but also quite annoying.

It's like when you have a really good story you need to tell your best friend. And you imagine what she'll say. But you can't call her just now. Because you have to keep reading.
Anyway, that is how I can best encapsulate how I felt throughout the book about that. Now on to the book


I was excited to read this book. I've never read a non-specifically-religious book about a Catholic priest. Especially not one that is not outwardly pro or against Catholicism.  And I really enjoyed the beginning. I (just like Russell so obviously intended) quickly fell in love with the characters. She has an unrealistic skill of capturing humans in their entirety. Raw, honest, multifaceted, endearing in their flaws.
The main character, Emilio, really hit home. I pictured him as a Sodalite from back in my adolescence, effervescent, joyous, playful. Additionally, he's a linguist. He's intrigued with language and has a knack for it. Mary D Russell also has an enviable knowledge of language (and astronomy and space stuff but that kind of bored me). She creates her own languages with simple rules that follow linguistic laws! For a long time (The first 200 pages are very introductory) I thought maybe Marimar sent it to me because I share this interest in language.
But the book turns a very dark corner. It digs deep into questions of faith, logic, morality, friendship, love... it digs too deep in the last 100 pages. 
It made me anxious. It made me angry, worried, upset. It shook me so much that just now when I told Joe I was going to write the post on it he looked worried, "is it going to make you sad again?"

Fortunately, it is not. Thinking back on it is easier than reading the last chapter of that book. I don't want to completely give it away just in case someone else wants to read it. Read at your own risk below?

Spoilers below:
I felt cheated. This book is too powerful in that way. Russell turned me into Emilio. I felt his anger, his sense of utter betrayal.
 The whole book leads you to believe Emilio will find beauty and love because he knows he is following God's beauty and love. But he is not. He is, quite crudely, sodomized, and turned into an angry murderer. He loses all his friends, all his work... all the Earthly beauty he walked towards.
It tests your faith, to say, no I do believe in God. Knowing full well that this could happen (maybe not in a different planet) and that still God asks for your love, faith, commitment.
In a way, she offers you a different kind of beauty at the end. Emilio is not the same crippled, black-shadowed, man you meet at first in the very last pages. I am so thankful for that.

It was interesting too, I read her q+a at the end of the book. She wrote this as she was converting to Judaism. A religion that kept all faith after the Holocaust. Knowing that last bit kind of helped me sleep at night. It is so much grander than me. Just as God and my faith should be.

Reading this book clashed with two other events in my life. One was staring into the eyes of a San Miguel Kid at 10pm. It crushed me like a Jana'ata. This poor child in his mothers arm, next to another younger baby, hungry, tired, worried.
Joe and I were walking around the streets, love-drunk on a very nice date in the restaurant we had our rehearsal dinner 2 years ago. We'd just splurged more than usual, enjoyed a very delicious meal with two drinks... I bought myself a cute pair of earrings, and I was thanking God for all that I have. And just then we see these families with young children, ripped clothes, begging for pesos.

How do you consolidate that? How do you believe in a God that gives me a Pina Colada and a sweet little buzz, and gives a child nothing but the need to beg?

-
I was also watching The Good Place (also at Marimar's recommendation I think?).  It plays with Good and Evil, "heaven and hell."

Oh Mateo's bathtime, must go, and stop thinking about all this.

Would I recommend this book? I don't know quite yet.
Did I like it? No
Did I enjoy it? In a twisted way
Am I glad I read it? yes.

I have to admit too that I felt like it was such a work of magnificent authorship that this part also angered me. I have entered a stage where I become more and more upset that I have not written my own masterpiece every time I read something amazing.

Page count: 408
Total: 3827

#12 How to Turn Down a Billion Dollars by Billy Gallagher

I decided I wanted to read about something I have never read about. I also wanted to read something that librarians thought was important to put on top of the shelf. I found this book about Snapchat fairly quickly.

I really haven't read many stories about companies and so I was highly interested. Also I love social media. Using it, talking about it, thinking about why it's so huge and its effects on society. SO a perfect match!

A really cool thing about this book is that I could place myself in the story somewhat. Marimar went to school with the protagonist of the book, in the same class! She didn't have great things to say about him but that made it even cooler. As the author wrote about his notorious popularity in Stanford Marimar said he really didn't have the best reputation for being nice (paraphrased). She was basically IN THE BOOK!

I enjoyed reading this book quite a bit. I don't think I'd tell anyone 'man you gotta read this!' because I don't know that many people as fascinated with the story of social medias as I am, nor is it SUPER INTERESTING, cannot put it down kind of book. But it was also just cool to get out of my realm of literature for a bit and explore a journalist's capture of the company.

Pages: 252
Total: 3419

Oh also, ironically perhaps, the title of the book is total clickbait. It does not explain 'HOW' to turn it down. It just tells you that the founder, Evan, turned it down because he never wants to work for anyone, much less Zuckerberg, and wants total complete brainpower over his company.

#11 Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by Rowling, Tiffany, and Throne

Meh.
That's the word I'd use to describe this book.

Joe and I have been falling asleep to Harry Potter books for over a year and a half now, we LOVE it.
When one of us can't sleep in the middle of the night we turn them on, it knocks us right out.

When I was younger I read the books multiple times and was an avid muggleneter.


This book was very MEH.
Didn't really make me think much.

It was enjoyable, like a sitcom, and I read it in a few hours, but I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone.

I wonder if someone thought they had a really good idea or if they wanted to just make more money off the franchise?

Meh, not too inspired to write anything about it at all.

Page Count: 320
Total: 3167

#10 A Sung Flung Up to Heaven by Maya Angelou

Reading an autobiography is like talking to a new friend. A very chatty friend that doesn't let you comment on her life story.
Reading an autobiography for me is also turning out to be a quite painful and emotive activity. All of a sudden, after reading such strong books perhaps, I am feeling inadequate.

I don't mean to search for compliments. I know what I do daily is important, I know that. But after reading Stevenson's plight, while he worked 20 hours a day to save an innocent man from death row or Angelou's magnificent weaving of words, explaining the pain of losing her good friend Malcom X... it makes me feel so insignificant in this world.

This is a book I recommend. It reads very quickly, it is interesting, it is thought provoking. It was surprising. I don't know much about Maya Angelou. (I guess I do now haha) But I did not know much about her. Frankly all I knew was that she was a black poet and that she wrote Still I Rise, a widely used poem in this year's Superbowl commercial.

With this book, she became, as I already wrote, my good friend. (Though I did not become hers.) Not a faraway poet that is so intellectual it is difficult to imagine, just a woman trying to find her place in the world, trying to control her emotions and trying to raise her child to be a respectable man.
This is even worse.
Now I can identify with a famous poet but still have not published any of my writing.

Perhaps, I like to tell myself, I do not have enough suffering in my life. Perhaps I need a dead loved one to conjure back my emotions and my power to write. That sounds horrible. So I sweep those thoughts away. But the thought that happiness, love, comfort, so-called "good" emotions don't allow me to write, keeps scratching at my heart.
Ramble Ramble.


Just like with Mindy Kaling's book this was not the first in her autobiographical series, so I wonder what I missed in the first one, perhaps I'll find it soon- it was not in the small selection of the West Irving Library unfortunately.

Page Count: 212
Total: 2847

#9 Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling

I got to the library feeling amazingly light today.
 It's crazy how heavy and time consuming it feels getting anywhere with Mateo. Gotta carry the kid of course, but also the diaperbag, and my waterbottle because it's 99 Degrees out, and HIS waterbottle because it's 99degrees. Wait no, just leave his, let him drink out of yours. Ok perfect, now grab the keys and the wallet, and your phone because the phone is your lifeline. Wait no, maybe I should leave it in the van so I can just focus on him. But wait what if he does something really cute and I want to send a video to everyone? Ok Fine I'll take my phone but leave it in the diaperbag. Ok OK now we're heading into the library.

But today I felt like a feather. I was of course carrying wallet, keys, waterbottle in hand, but I had arrived in our much smaller Fiesta '13, didn't have a little creature to follow around or carry, and didn't have any worries, since both him and Joe were at home taking a nap. HURRAH Summer Break!

I headed in wanting to find an autobiography. "I want to learn something new." And this is part of me at the moment. I want to DO something. Perhaps is the commodity that has settled into my life. Parenting a small, walking, almost talking, 16month old is just the norm now. I feel like I need a new challenge. and I want it to be a BIG challenge. I want to CHANGE the world.
I was musing with these thoughts today... never in my life have I had a strong urge to do SOMETHING AMAZING. But now it's like when you start craving that cream cheese bagel. You can have a cream cheese sandwich, or even a great quesadilla... but it doesn't take that craving away.

I think part of it is reading. Reading motivates me in an odd way. It makes me want to be a writer that publishes a book, or someone that studies a masters and then does something and then has a reason to write a book.

And so when I was perusing the shelves of books, I was surprised to randomly see Mindy Kaling's book and to be drawn to it.
Maybe it's because I fell asleep watching The Office last night and I was thinking of how Mindy Kaling got to be an actress when she's not really all that great. Maybe it's because it was the first Autobiography I saw after seeing dozens of self help books about being fat... either way I picked it up. I also grabbed another two which I will hopefully read.

2 hours later I was done with this book. Again not a book I'd recommend, and I have to admit I probably skimmed like 20 of its pages... but once again it motivated me!

She talks a lot. It doesn't read like she's writing. It reads like she's talking. And she goes on and on... and actually she's quite funny, 5+ times I laughed out loud seriously. But it's all quite superficial banter... she talks about having to tan, or about having a crush on a guy, or about wanting to fit in... it did bore me in various places.

But something that really scratched me was how well she knows herself. Would I be able to write a book about myself? A WHOLE book, without preservations, or worry? Do I know myself that well?

She also finishes the book talking about how success is definitely earned. You must WORK HARD for it.
I think part of me still wishes something will come along and help me DO SOMETHING. But that last chapter is good stuff.

So just in case you were going to judge my entry on the title, I hope you didn't. Even a celebrity autobiography book has a lot to teach you about yourself if you let it.

Page count: 226
Total: 2635

#8 Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult

When I see Jodi Picoult's name I don't think amazing author, I think cliche, a Nicholas Sparks type. I knew she'd written My Sister's Keeper. Which I didn't read but I did watch the movie. Good story...
And so when I saw Picoult's name in the library I grabbed for whatever book my hand was nearest. I decided I need a wishywashy novel between tough reads so that I don't get overwhelmed and stop reading all together like I did last time.
I don't know how true that was, but I went for it anyway.

Was it a great book? Not at all. Would I ever recommend it? Never. UNLESS you need a teenage-y romantic novel with unnecessary bits of crude sentences throughout..
Quick read of course. Took me whole of course, I couldn't put it down. Didn't even watch a single show between checking it out of the library and finishing it.

The plot? Meh. It's about a very famous actor and his wife. Their lives are "Picture Perfect"... or are they??
Then there's a whole side plot with a guy who wants to renounce his Native American past but is a cop in LA now, and he helps the girl... and the story focuses on their 3 different (and all sad) backgrounds and how it affects all their choices...


AAAand there's quite a predictable ending.
See Spoiler: Alex megasupermoviestar  Rivers beat his adorableyetnotgorgeousandrelatablebutawkward wife Cassie. In the end, she leaves him for Idon'treallyknowwhyyou'reinthestory Will (the Sioux descendant).

I was reading somewhere about how so many authors  (GOSH I'm Guilty too) make the main charactress be beautiful "but in a simple and unique way" not drop dead gorgeous, but someone that the boy character cannot get enough of. Wherever I was reading this (why can I not remember?) was arguing that authors do this so that the reader (who is most likely not Drop dead gorgeous either) can relate and really be part of the story, and so that any man that reads it also believes he has a chance of getting the "not out of his league" character.
The article had a bad spin on it, I forget what it was.

Anyway. I really enjoyed reading this bad book. I really love just diving into a book that's purely for fun. I guess like watching sitcoms.
I remember around 8th or 9th grade I was obsessed with a series The Clique. I LOVED those books. (cue: character was that same relatable type) After a while, my mom told me she wished I would read something with more substance.
I didn't like that comment. I still don't. I personally believe it's ok to read whatever you want. I think we need different types of books at different types of our lives, and to feel shame for reading a series that makes you feel like you belong somewhere and life isn't dark is not a nice feeling.
Obviously, my mom didn't know. We weren't close back then. She honestly just wished I would read something that in her mind stimulated my mind.

But for example this book. It's not the best, but it makes me think about how a lot of people view marriage. The main characters got married out of 'love'. And then a few years later she finds out he doesn't want any children. And she's too in love to leave him even when he beats her because ... because they love each other. Nothing more in there but 'love.' And what IS love? What is the right amount of love to secure a marriage together? What part of 'love' will hold two people close when one cannot control their anger?
These are things I like to wonder about.
ALSO Picoult does have an ability to show the good and bad in all three main characters. Their obvious flaws and loving parts.

This whole blog post has been a giant ramble. 90+ degree temperature all day really wears my braincells thin. Good thing I was reading this book and not Crime and Punishment... just yet.

Page count:369
Total : 2409

#7 Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

I struggle sometimes with Joe being a teacher living the exact school network I left. I miss it so much. I love that he's in it because it fulfills him and he makes a big difference, but it's very difficult at times. So when he came back and told me there had been this amazing speaker at an Uplift Event, I was jealous. It was wrong of me of course, and my resentment was ugly, but I didn't want to hear about it. I didn't want to hear about another amazing opportunity he'd had while I was stuck at home changing poopy diapers.

Luckily I pushed past my ugly side and asked him to talk about it. He said it had been easily the best talk he'd ever heard. It was Bryan Stevenson.

Fast forward a few months. Joe had gotten this book from Heights but of course never gotten to read it. I hadn't wanted to open it for the same difficulty of wanting to be a teacher at Heights but not being one... but now that I'm back on my reading motivation, I picked it up. For two days I couldn't put it down, and now I'm done with it.

Bryan Stevenson is a lawyer that fights for people on Death Row, especially the mentally ill, the youth, the wrongfully accused... anyone that can't defend themselves in this broken system.
It's not an easy read. It's difficult to sit on my comfy bed with my fluffy blanket and learn about someone who spent 50 years on death row, went blind, and then was finally exonerated thanks to Stevenson's organization. What am I doing? I'm doing nothing.

As I was finishing this book I came across a beautiful question, "Why do we want to kill all the broken people? What is wrong with us, that we think a thing like that can be right?" (288). He's talking about how we jail the poor, the mentally ill, the mothers with no support, the children with no parents, instead of coming up with a helpful system. This relates to so much. Abortion, immigration, death penalty... it makes me yearn to go back to schools and teach about love, about learning, about selflessness and to try to instill a desire to just HELP each other.

For a long time, I've wanted to volunteer in Jails. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to do when you're not 100% committed and end up just sitting on your couch with a jar of Nutella watching some Netflix special... :(

I'm glad people like Stevenson exist. Not just to make change but also to inspire it.

It's making me so angry to realize how inspired and alive I am whenever I finish a book, compared to the isolation I'm left with after scrolling through Instagram or watching some show on our Roku TV.

I would 100% recommend this book to everyone. Especially anyone who is pro Capital Punishment, or who thinks racism doesn't exist, or who thinks black people have it the same as white people.

Pages: 318
Total: 2040

#6 The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan

So upsetting to realize it's been 3 months since I finished my last book.

I did start a few others that I got from the library, but none of them captured me like the first 5.
Also, I started watching TV again and that is always a horrible deterrent for reading.

Additionally, Mateo dropped his early morning nap. So instead of two breaks I only get one a day. I prefer it, naps no longer RULE my life. But at the same time, one break is not always enough for how tired I get and I end up watching TV eating chocolate most of the time.
---

I picked this book up at an Estate Sale, around January or February. I remembered Lorelai Gilmore saying something like, "I'm not a lady at the Joy Luck Club," or "This isn't the Joy Luck Club," and so I wanted to read it. Isn't it cool how little things can motivate our life choices?

I ended up really enjoying it- even though it took me a month to read it. It became my pre-bed ritual to read 10-15 pages of it as I waited for Joe to finish packing up his lunch or take his shower or do his pushups/squats/crunches combination.

For very superficial reasons, it reminded me of reading Ties that Bind Ties, Ties that Break back in middle school. (Was it 7th or 8th? How sad. I remember distinctly thinking how sad it was when my mom would say, "I did so and so in 5th or 6th grade," and I would promise myself I would not mix my years together. But now, when did I read that book?)
The superficial reasons: it talks about China, about arranged marriage, about girls and women treated as objects.
But for those same reasons, it intrigued me so I'll keep the superficial reasons and keep on trecking. It always shocks me how different and similar life in China was and is... I definitely want to read more on women in China.

Anyway, I'll get to the book itself:

It's about a girl whose mom has died. She goes to her mom's "Joy Luck Club,"  a club of old Chinese friends who play MahJong together. She wants to know more about her mom's life, and so we learn about it. We also learn about all the ladies' lives, and their daughters' lives.
It's really neat. Every chapter is a different woman's life. You first see the daughters talk about their (pretty sad) American lives and they complain about their relationship with their (very Chinese in their eyes) mothers.
And you also get a glimpse into their mothers' pasts...
VERY confusing, especially if you happen to miss the explanation in the page after the cover page but before the first chapter -_-.

It makes me think a lot about blaming people for their choices, for their mistakes, for their personalities. I was talking about this to a degree with my sisters but we didn't get too deep into it. How much should we understand, and forgive, a persons's mistakes? To what extent should we do the same after we know their story? How much can we blame our (lack of) knowledge on our inability to forgive or to understand?

I hope I can read more this month, especially since Joe's getting out for summer break in a week and I'm getting a good rhythm. AND all the series will go on break.

Pages: 288
Total Count: 1722

#5 Glow Kids by Nicholas Kardaras Ph.D

This book took me way longer than the previous books for various reasons. First, it reads slower. It has so much information, (it is extremely well researched) and it's not all written anecdotally. Second, Mateo's birthday party and his changing day sleep habits really messed with my schedule.

Ironically, I broke my resolution of not watching TV by myself as I was tackling this book. I chose to watch American Housewife or The Good Doctor instead of reading this book.  I told myself I was too tired to sit down and read and think and instead plugged into Facebook and shows. Obviously, I felt more tired, less upbeat at the end of the day. (The main reason I had made the resolution in the first place...)

I recommend this book, but it is scary. Dr Kardaras is an addiction specialist, and he talks about many intense cases. From a teenager that doesn't know if he's in an office or a video game to a sweet 11-year-old girl who started to bite and hit her parents... to exposing the Sandy Hook Killer's gaming habits... it's scary.

It's scary to me, trying to figure out how to raise our tiny boy in such an electronic society. Especially since I am so drawn to it, so easily addicted to the "Glow" as Dr. Kardaras calls it.

I think it's important to read about this and to be more proactive against technology addictions. It wasn't an easy read (nor a difficult one, just at times slow) but an important one. My mother in law actually recommended this book, every teacher in her school was told to read it.

Pages: 250
Total Page count: 1434

#4 On Fire by John O'Leary

My other sister gave me this book. I wasn't very excited about it, but two things got me reading it. First, I promised myself I'd try to read any book someone gives me, and two, Lau said it was SO SO SO good and it made her cry. She said it was so inspiring.

I said, "I don't really need that type of book right now. I don't really need to be inspired."

She said something like, "It's really short, just read it. It reads quick."

She was right. I read it in a day.

I was wrong. I did need this book.

It's an autobiography type book. John burned almost 100% of his body when he was 9, the doctors did not think he would make it, and yet now he lives a happy life with his wife and kids. Oops I ruined it for you.

I think the most important part of it, that I did need, is to know that little things matter. That little acts of love matter in the world.

It's so hard sometimes just sitting on the floor watching Mateo play for the 50th minute in a row, with the same blocks he's played with for the past three months. It's hard to want to pick him up and change his poopy diaper and distract him so I don't have to wrestle him. And it's so easy to say, "gosh I wish I was in a classroom with my old students." or "This day is so, so long."

But what John invites me to do is not feel sorry for myself at any moment.  To do everything I do because of love. That's not easy, but it really is worth it.

So today when I was trying to stuff a piece of spaghetti in Mateo's mouth and he kept spitting it out with his adorable tongue, pointing to the sweet mandarine he obviously preferred... I let myself laugh and enjoy it. I told him he had to eat this piece of spaghetti, Mister, and I tricked him into thinking he was gonna get the fruit, then rammed in the piece of spaghetti and followed it with the fruit. He didn't push the pasta out with his cute little tongue. Victory! I smiled at him and laughed, and he smiled back with his trillion dollar smile. A smile that you think will make his face explode because of how much power is in it.

I could have (which I have done in the past numerous times) rolled my eyes and just kept feeding him. Or checking my phone to see what other people are doing right now. Or told Mateo to please eat it. But I can choose to make it a fun experience for both of us, to try to find love and joy in the most menial tasks, like shoving a piece of pasta down an 11-month-old's throat.

Highly recommend.

Pages: 262

Total count:1184

#3 Como agua para chocolate by Laura Esquivel

Como agua para chocolate by Laura Esquivel

I am always afraid to read in Spanish. Afraid of not understanding the syntax, the language, the humor. I'm afraid I'll take too long to read a sentence without getting the message. So I've mostly stayed away from Spanish literature. Marimar sent me this book and I wasn't thrilled. But part of my resolution is to read any book anyone gives me, so I started to read it.

From the first 5 pages I knew it would be one of my favorite books ever. It is so beautifully written, an entirely new experience for me in writing. Old Mexican recipes are woven into the story so seamlessly, you barely notice whether you are reading a recipe or the hardships of Tita, cursed to never marry.

This book came to me at a good time in my life. I am discovering my love (and new passion) for cooking and taking care of Mateo and the house. Tita doesn't have the freedom to do what she loves except for cooking, and yet she perseveres to be herself, to break free from dumb traditions and to cultivate good relationships with those around her. I had no idea I could love a book in Spanish so much. I think it's because it's Mexican Spanish. My mom says that's not true jaja.

Definitely recommend it to everyone.

Pages: 248

Total pages: 922

#2 Le Petit Nicolas et les Copains by Sempé and Goscinny

Not a dystopian thriller this time, just a book written for children ages 8+. My dad suggested I read in different languages as well, so I'm going to try to do that. The only caveat (is that how you use that word?) is that I am 10x slower reading in any language that is not English. I decided to start with a short French book for this reason.

This book is only 142 pages (with big font) but it took me 4 days to finish it. It's cool to know I can still read in French, even if the vocabulary is very basic and the syntax is quite childish. It was harder to enjoy it, since I stumbled on a word every few sentences, and because it was a kid's book. But I enjoyed the challenge, and overall it made me very nostalgic. (I love nostalgia)

The book's narrator is little Nicolas, a very sweet child who keeps getting in trouble with all his friends. The author does a great job of thinking like a child, which made me miss my kiddos. Kids have such a sweet way of seeing things. Half the time that they get in trouble they don't mean to do something bad, they just want to play and explore the world. They forget rules or that their actions can have consequences. I like that about kids. I also like to talk to kids about that, I love to see them realize the consequences, to help them see where they come from before they act. It's such a sweet gift. In that way this book is a sweet gift, perhaps a great book to understand kids first if your initial reaction is to get mad at misbehavior.

I am excited to read a grownup book now though.

Page count: 142

Total Pages: 674

#1 State of Mind by John Katzenbach

For my first book of the year I decided to just grab any book from any shelf and commit to to finishing it as quickly as I could. I am worried I won't fulfill my resolution of reading and writing about a lot of books, so I decided to just plunge in. The book I found, a small red book in my sisters' room at my mom's house, is State of Mind. This is definitely not a book I would've ever picked out for myself. The cover has a knife on it and it is not written by any author I've ever heard of; this just made it more exciting.

It was cool to find a bookmark inside it: a piece of paper from the Lafayette Bookstore some 40-50 pages in. This means someone (probably my dad) bought it some 16 years ago and never finished it for whatever reason. (Honestly probably because it isn't THAT great of a book.)

This book is of course a thriller, about a serial killer-- this I expected from the cover. It mostly focuses on two characters, however, as they try to figure out the identity of this killer. I am realizing I am terrible at writing summaries of books without giving them away... hopefully I'll get better at it with time.

Very obviously the books centers on themes of life and death, but also on the illusion of freedom we give ourselves by employing security measures and technology. It was written in 1997. To my delight I realized it is also a dystopian novel a few pages in. I like to read books that imagined today as their future, to compare our reality to someone's dreams 2 decades ago is quite a treat. It's almost as if I was going to a nursing home to talk to someone and ask them what they wanted to be when they were little. Except in a dark way I suppose.

In Katzenbach's world violence and crime rule. The policemen aren't very useful: they more or less maintain the country from complete chaos but no one really fears them. In this future society there is a 51st State, about to be made official. This newborn state boasts of security, there are no crimes here. That is because everything is logged. Anything a citizen does is in the system. They have these amazing electronic computers that you can use to order groceries or buy whatever you want, and it will be delivered to your doorstep. But it is in a log. Safety and ease in exchange for your privacy. It sounds a lot like Katzenbach knew Amazon would rule the world.

There has been a murder (or more?) committed in this 51st state and the politicians are terrified of what this will mean in their lobbying for the legalization of the state. Will they catch the killer?

The questions Katzenbach poses are important, how can you be safe and free in this world? What are you really paying for Amazon Prime? (Ok That one's mine)
 I'll recommend this book if you want to read a dystopian thriller, but not with too much enthusiasm.


Page count: 532 Pages 

2017 Books

1. What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

This book was pretty fun. It's about a 30 something woman who hits her head on a gym bike and has the strangest amnesia- she forgets the past 10 years of her life entirely. She wakes up thinking she's pregnant with her first and head over heels for her new husband, but really she is about to get divorced, has 3 spoiled kids, and is a PTA mom dream. Not literature by any means, but a fun short book. Made me wonder where I'll be in 10 years, as well as where I was 10 years ago.

2.    The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins.

I resisted this trilogy for a long time for some reason... but I finally read them this year. I enjoyed it, much like I enjoy all dystopias. I couldn't finish the 3rd one though, it got too corny for me.

3.    Divergent Trilogy by Veronica Roth

Pretty similar to the Hunger Games Trilogy. Enjoyable just like all teenage dystopias are to me, and couldn't finish the 3rd one because it was getting too corny for me.

4.    Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

After watching the show on Netflix I ordered the book. I wanted to know that the book wasn't as open-ended as the show, that it offered suicide as a wrong alternative, not as a good revenge. Although it wasn't super well written, it offered me some comfort. The book makes it very clear that teen suicide is wrong and a problem. It was a quick read, wouldn't ever really recommend it unless someone needs closure after watching the show.

5.    Pastel Orphans, Gemma Liviero

     Extremely sad book about two Jewish siblings during WWII. I don't remember it too much to be honest, now I wish I'd written about it, but I remember really liking it. It tugs at your heart strings and shows you the beauty of life in suffering. It left me sad but uplifted at the same time. Definitely recommend it.

6.    The Handmaids Tale Margaret Atwood

    Dystopian novel again of course. This time it was mostly fueled by the HULU show I watched with Joe. Not the best show in the world, but very well made. I don't think I'd read it again, but it made me think a lot of how Christianity is perceived by non-Christians. How Christians are portrayed in the media, and how non-Christians are portrayed as well.

7.    Precious Little Sleep By Alexis Dubief

This one is more practical than literature, and just about Baby Sleep, but still counts as a book. I loved it, and it helps a lot with my "business."

8.    Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith

Favorite book of the year. It is, of course, a sad and hard novel, a murder mystery. It is so harsh, so blunt about Soviet thinking. We have it so easy, not being forced to think about survival, not having to make certain choices, but being able to practice our morality. How easily I take it for granted that I can read a book and talk about how terrible the conditions in it are without fearing for my family's well being. 

So there you go, not many, but way more than in 2016 or 2015, so it's a start. (I of course didn't even includ Elmo's Potty Time Book, Curious George's Good Night Book, Baby's 100 First words, The Farm or Your Baby's First Word will be DADA, all of which I read a minimum of 100 times this year). 

Next year I want to read a LOT more books, and write about my thoughts on them. If you feel kind send me a book in the mail or through Kindle and I'll read it. If you feel less kind but still want to suggest, then please send me suggestions for this year. 

2017

2017 was a very different year for me. I like to think I'm accustomed to change (definitely write that in my resume) because of all the moves and changes I grew up with, but in reality all those changes were very minimal compared to this year.

10 years ago we moved from Brazil to Spain. Entirely different cultures, language, people... but all the same my role as a teenager didn't change much. I still went to classes, did pretty well without trying much, still played basketball and loved it, eventually made close friends and had countless sleepovers with them.

8 years ago now (wow) I moved to UD. This was tough, but still very much the same teenage-like life. Just worry about school and basketball until I eventually quit basketball.

Even starting to work didn't feel very different. I had somewhere to be 7am-5pm and people to see after that. Predictable, reliable, mostly out of my responsibility. Same principle of life applied:  do as I am told and do it well. Then enjoy life.


After January 18th of last year, however, my whole life shifted in ENTIRELY. No longer could I rely on the same things I was used to relying on. I couldn't rely on someone to tell me how to do everything, a professor or boss to tell me when I was headed the wrong way, or proper sleep to help me think straight, or on ANY sort of schedule to feel like I had some control on life. Baby Mateo changed my entire view and experience of life.

I began to love like never before. I eventually gave up 3 of my most favorite things in the world for this tiny creature that just takes and takes and takes, and makes life grand.

1.  First I gave up sleep. I've always been an 8 hour person. I much rather sleep than party or go out. I love sleeping early. That went out the window before he was even born. 
2. Then I gave up teaching. After working my entire academic life towards being a teacher, and absolutely loving my job, I gave it up for him. I still miss it every day, and it hurts, but I won't go back until I know Mateo's fine without my constant presence. 
3. A few months later I had to give up Cheese (luckily only for about 5 months). I never knew I could love someone so much that would make it easy to all of a sudden cut out 70% of my diet. 

I lost schedules, I lost my good mood for a while... This change shook my world like I could have never expected. I had to try to re-find ME, and I'm still doing so now... but something I found was something I'd left behind I don't know how many years ago: reading for pleasure. 

The newfound TIME for ANYTHING was (is) terrifying, but books help to deal with it. 

 I realized I needed something for ME, something I could do with no previous notice, something to do as I took a bubble bath or while Mateo napped on me, or as I nursed him... and I realized that (besides netflix and facebook and instagram, and phone games that just suck my life away) books were the answer. I didn't want to start out too strong and give up so I started to read fun wishywashy books, and start to create reading habits. I ended the year reading quite a few books -next entry- and now I want to try to read even more during 2018. So here is blog attempt #16 (ha!) an attempt to document the books I read this year and my thoughts on them.